From the Cat Post Intelligencer:
Candidate Cheysuli has been seen begging on the streets for more money. Having been frozen out of the debates between the two big party candidates, Cheysuli was struggling for air time. However, Big Catnip seemed to be her ace in the hole. With her ideas on nipothal vehicles Big Catnip was always behind her.
However, with the stock market crashing and credit tight, Big Catnip has been pulling in their resources.
“We can no longer afford to back any candidate,” stated one representative. “We need to get through this disaster intact. We need to find ways to make people purchase more catnip even as their incomes shrink. We realize that Cheysuli is the candidate to do this, however, her campaign is struggling and we feel we need to cut our losses.”
Cheysuli’s campaign issued the following statement, “Everyone who is hurt by this down turn in the economy needs to realize that only Cheysuli is in a position to really feel what the every day person is feeling, except of course for the fact that she is a cat. Cheysuli is now out begging on the streets to try and make ends meet for her livelihood and is just a few meows away from complete destitution. She has no healthcare due to a pre-existing condition. Does this sound like you? Maybe you need to vote for Cheysuli!”
A former supporter said in response to this statement, “Really I’d like someone who didn’t make the mistakes I made. While I feel for her, she’s in the same boat as I am. And I don’t want to be in this boat!”
Even the Young Senator From Illinois stated, “If Cheysuli had run her campaign off of small donations from lots of people, she wouldn’t have this problem. My donors are all ordinary people. Big Catnip gave me nothing. Each donation was within the legal limits. I am owned, in essence by the very individuals I most want to serve, the middle class American people.”
“Oh and Cheysuli. Let’s wish Derby a Happy Birthday together. I hope he doesn’t mind if I don’t show off my tocks though…”
Derby’s spokesperson hasn’t said if that was a good move on the Senator’s part or not…